First, my apologies for neglecting this blog for so long. I chose to be lazy and not be disciplined or focused enough to put my thoughts into words; this is a long-standing shadow of mine, that I self-sabotage to justify calling myself a failure (my friends in the Mankind Project will recognize this!).
Scripture has a habit of throwing out timely messages. Part of my rationale for starting this blog was that if I frequently write about my spiritual musings, especially in the context of the Daily Office readings, the mere act of writing them down will bring me closer to God, and closer to that part of the Holy Spirit which lives and breathes inside of me and each of us. I have to trust that the Holy Spirit will inspire me each time I sit down to write—and, low and behold, today’s readings are all about trusting in God to make clear the path.
Samuel 6:1-16 takes place during a period when the Ark of the Covenant had been captured in battle by the Philistines. Having taken the captive Ark home, the Philistines are then subjected to plagues and other calamities which convince them to send the Ark back to the Israelites. They want as little to do with the Ark as possible, so after loading it onto a cart they hitch up some oxen and send it off unguided down the road, trusting that God will deliver it safely into the hands of the Israelites; and, indeed, this is exactly what happens as the oxen take no wrong turns all the way to nearest Israelite village beyond the Philistines’ border.
Acts 5:27-42 takes place during the period after Pentacost. The apostles have been teaching about Jesus all over Jerusalem in spite having been explicitly ordered not to do so by the authorities. Dragged before the council, Peter and the other apostles are defiant and assert that “We must obey God rather than man [human authority].” This enrages the council to the point where they are about to order their execution, until a Pharisee named Gamaliel asks them to reconsider. He reminds them that in previous cases where a man “rose up, claiming to be somebody,” his followers dispersed and disappeared shortly after the leader perished. “So in the present case,” he continues, “keep away from these men and let them alone; because if this plan or this undertaking is of human origin, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them—in that case you may even be found fighting against God!” In other words: trust in God to reveal the truth.
The final reading, Luke 21:37 through 22:13, tells about the events leading up to the Last Supper, including Jesus’ instructions on finding a suitable place for the Passover meal. Similar to the story from Samuel above, Jesus tells them to simply trust that God will provide a space; and so it happens.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I have a great deal of difficulty with the concept of surrendering my will to God’s will. How do I know what God’s will is? Am I to make no decisions on my own, but just passively wait for miracles and signs to point the way? The answer to the latter question, for me, is an emphatic no. God, in my judgment, is not asking me to be passive or undecisive. The key lies in answering the first question. God’s will, unlike in scripture stories, is rarely clearly apparant. Discerning it takes work, prayer, and study, and even then may never be fully understood.
And this is the crux of surrendering to God’s will: taking the risk of following an incomplete understanding of what God intends for me, confident that the Holy Spirit will, in due time, guide me along the way. Surrendering to God’s will is not surrendering to a life of passivity; it is embracing a life that challenges assumptions, an active questioning of who I am, where I am going, how I will get there. There will be moments of doubt and confusion, and it is in those times that the Holy Spirit will be there to illuminate my choices and, deep in my heart, urge me towards those choices that march with God’s will for me. I will (and have many times) stumble, take wrong turns and get lost. Trusting in God, however, means that I accept the imperfect understanding I have of God’s will. Trusting in God means that I open myself up to a cooperative effort to find the right path. Trusting in God, ironically, means that I trust myself.
